Wow, what a subject. It is as nearly sacred as anything to me. Bringing new life into the world is a powerful and magical thing. And then to accept the responsibility of helping to raise them to be good people of use, true to themselves and of use to the planet.
Of course, at the beginning those thoughts, if they are there at all, are crowded out by the necessities of infancy; the feeding and changing, learning new routines for an otherwise quite stable life, the sleep deprived nights and hectic days; and learning a new relationship with your wife.
It is all a new adventure and, in many ways, quite wonderful. You may begin to realize how it is influencing how you see yourself and how you deal with others and the world. What you do realize is how it feels to deal with this new creature who is so dependent on you and how much you want to please and connect with this new life.
Quickly, you realize that a new personality is being formed and how much you want it to recognize and connect with you. You are, after all, its father! You begin to have all those feelings of responsibility to protect this child, who is now a part of this new family. You begin to realize how significant you are to its learning and its connection to the outside world. You are one of the most important conduits to the world in which it will learn to not only survive, but also thrive.
And then your child begins to develop; to walk, to talk, to begin to become independent in small ways and then much larger ways. Your child begins to interact with others in the family and outside the family. Your child begins to learn from its interaction with the world and with others. Your child begin school and is away from the family for hours at a time, outside any family influences.
You see your child develop into something unique and distinctive, someone who does not always see the world as you see it. And you begin to realize that you must learn to let go, let your child become whatever he/she needs to be. You must watch them experiment with the world and with the faces they might want to use to face that world. If you are very adept you can still be a careful adviser, but, more and more, the final choices are theirs to make. And sometimes you wince at those choices. At other times you are amazed.
It is a time of patience and watchfulness.
And then they move into the world alone. They get a job, they go to college, they gather friends and relationships, they get married, they develop careers, and, perhaps, they have children. (I won’t go into the charms of grandfatherhood)
Through all of this you observe, at a distance. By now you, of necessity, have learned to let go. But you always retain that connection, and all those memories. You may learn the art of being there, but not to intrude; to be available in an emergency.
But finally, when you look back at it, you would not have missed it for anything in the world. And you hope that your children get to experience the magical joys of parenthood.
And in the midst of that meditation, you look back at your own father, at his influence on who you became, whether recognized at the time or not, and at the loving stability he provided.
Fathers’ Day is a recognition of that sacred magic that is innate to fatherhood.
